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Sunday, April 10, 2011

♥ Little children, love one another

I honestly honestly feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm trying, I really am, but it's just not working! I don't know what to do and well I don't know if I should continue trying. I've so much other work to do and I've already dedicated a few hours to you, but you still don't make sense. What now? Just wait and fail the paper? I don't want that, you know I don't, but I don't see how I can do this. God please come please come.. I said I'd finish memorizing you by tomorrow for the double block, but it's Sunday and I still don't understand a word of what you're saying. It's so screwed up and stupid and right now I don't know what to do about you. No I'm not ranting about how stupid you are, but instead I'm just sincerely confused about where you're trying to bring me. I won't say you're stupid, maybe I'm just stupid. But it's just so annoying, to try and to fail. I hate it. Hate trying, hate failing.

Mrs Hoo reminded me something the other day. What is our motivation to work? Is it to avoid failing or is it to succeed? To be very honest, I think I'm just avoiding failure. Maybe there's something wrong with that. No - make that there IS something wrong with that. Need to learn.

There's so much to learn so much to do, but honestly I'm quite glad and satisfied with all the trials I've been facing recently. I know it's all been necessary, and I know that when I come out of all these I will come out a better person.

Been talking to a lot of people recently :) I think time spent building relationships is never time wasted, and for that I'm glad. Maybe I should be spending more time on my work. Well, not maybe. I should. And maybe I should be a bit more selfish and start sleeping more. But recently I've just been talking to so many people and it's just all been great.

I know I'm touching lives, know I'm doing something out there, and I'm grateful.. It's almost worth it, to be in the darkness for weeks just so that when you come out you can pull someone into the light as well :)

Good day at church, though lunch was more than a bit depressing. Talked to Clifford after that for about an hour and I think that was good :) Love catching up with people, love seeing how they're doing, love watching people mature in God. It's amazing how much we've changed - how much Clifford's changed, how much so many people have changed.

Thank You Lord for the trials that come my way.

PS: blogging's made me feel better :) that no matter what I do is worth it. Was just telling michelle it's impossible to please everybody around you, but as long as it's worth it then it's okay. And I know that all these is worth it, so thank You God.

I AM GRUMPY.
1:14 AM


♥ theGrumpyToast ;



      theGrumpyToast is very grumpy. Beware, this toast bites.

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      contrary to popular belief, I am not grumpy

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