Sunday, January 16, 2011

I'll just go by days:

Um, had tuition first, which kinda sucked and made me in quite bad a mood. Tsk. Firstly it was Chinese, which reeally isn't my favorite subject luhs. Secondly I was sitting in front of a bunch of jerks. Idiots. Stupids. They're just stupid la. They kept swearing in BOTH English and Chinese. Don't ask me how people do that. Just weird. So I was kinda pissed at them for swearing pfft...but yeah.

Then I had BS with crystal [and oli], which was really good 'cos I haven't had BS in a billion and three years. Hahaha. I love bible study, really, because I'll always receive a revelation, and I get to know my leader better? Hahaha :)) Not just know God more, because I generally read ahead [heh] and know what's written in there, 'cos that's really easy, but I enjoy getting to know Crystal/Krystle/Julie..hahaha.

Then had CIC, which I didn't really need to go for, so me and Oli just sat in the room and did our work while everyone else was having bs. But I just really really love the cell. XD...

Then I went for dinner I think we did some cool stuffs but I kinda forgot. This is another reason why I try to post every single night. OHH. WE WENT TO TOYS R' US. I love my family. This is why we're awesome XDD me and my dad and my sisters and my mum LOL basically everyone. So we were standing at the Googly Bands box and all six of us were digging and digging to find the glow in the dark bands. Which we didn't find in the end but it was fun heeheehee.

I think today was amazing. Okay. So, so much happened. In one day, I think I've gotten new promises, new encounters from God; I've made promises to God. It's going to take some time to blog about all these, so hang on tight :)

I'll go chronologically. Before church. Yes - the story started all the way back then XD I was feeling sucky on the car. Like, really sucky. "Why-is-the-world-so-screwed-up" kind of sucky. Which sucks. Forgive the use of sucks here, I was feeling [if you permit I use the word once again] sucky. My mom was talking about this family which is SCREWED UP. Then I was seeing a lot effs. :( [oh. btw, I deleted my fb account for while to escape all the depression in the world. couldn't stand it anymore. also was spending too much time on facebook.] And I fell asleep the night before without doing any homework which kinda means screwed Josephine D:

Then it was church uh. XD which was pretty darn awesome, oh yeah~ I love Your house/It's where Your glory dwells can't remember what song but I love it. I think every single song we sang was just amazing.. I have found my home/I have found my purpose/In this sanctuary set on Your great love I think I was just reminded that no matter what happens it's His purpose luh :) And that it's really in His love where I am filled again. Then the next song we sang was Nothing is impossible! I think I lost faith for a moment, when I was freaking out about my work, about the screwed up world we lived in, that I simply didn't want to continue. But this song made me remember God's promise - Nothing is impossible. When I first started out as a Christian, this was really one of the first verses I memorized, even as a young kid :)

And then when I was praising, God reminded me of this joy, this joy to be loudly declaring the name of God. When was the last time I had sung my lungs out, when was the last time I danced in joy before Him, when was the last time I felt so great? I honestly don't remember. His presence reminded me of this joy again, and He reminded me of "praise". I must make a confession - I haven't done something like that in ages.

Then it's worship... My God reigns. I think all these songs really gave me faith/hope/peace in my life again :)

[disclaimer: this will be an ultraa ultraa long post.]

I think God really reminded me of my faith..that He'll do amazing things for me. [will talk about this later.] And stuff yeah. :) And then Pastor Kong's message was just sosososo amazing.. :) About Abram stepping out of his tent to see the stars in the sky. Sky = word of God; stars = promises.

My version says "Do not be afraid", but it means the same thing. If you've been reading this blog for some time, if you've talked to me recently about well, me, you'd know I'm afraid. Scared. Terrified, even, about this new year. Last year was pretty much hell, and I'm afraid this year will be the same.

Okay I'll skip for a bit because this is related. I told God during sub zone meeting, "God, I am willing to go through hell for You." Because I was just praying for God to take away my fear, I was praying for God to give me an amazing year...then I realized that it was really HIS WILL, and not mine. If He wants me to go through hell, I will go through it. I will stand strong in faith, and do what I can. :) Trusting in God is not always about having an amazing year; what need is there to trust in God then?

But God, today I just want to make this promise, that I am willing to go through hell for You. :) wow yeah amen..

Okay but anyway after service we went for lunch at vivo.. (read: stalking) We stalked Julie. XD? We were just bored, so we hung around her...without her knowing, of course. Then we lost her. LOL. Which made us come up with an ingenious plan, really. I called her, pretended to be lost [okay so I really was lost, but I did it on purpose] and then got her to tell me where she was. LOL. Hilarious I tell you, hilarious.

Yup then it was subzone meeting which was great (Y) But sometimes, honestly..I feel ashamed of the noise we make la. Can't they learn to control it -_- maybe it's just because my sister's been complaining to me that I think that way. Don't know.

Okay. Although I talked about that two days, there's still some other issues on my mind.

#1: Gossip. Okay so this isn't all about gossip itself, but I cannot call it anything else, or I shall reveal what the "gossip" is about. Sighs. About two people in particular I am very confused with and don't understand...and in fact, shall never understand. Why they do things the way they do...If everything other people tell me is true [which I sincerely hope they aren't] Okay make that three people. I really really really look up to these three people but the things I've heard; the things I've seen them done..really makes me wonder huh :/ I don't understand, I don't know what I should do, I don't know who to tell. But I think I should ignore everything, every piece of gossip. And I really can't tell anyone, leaders or friends both, because I don't want anyone to be burdened by these things I hear. And I don't think I should take it to heart. I don't know...sighs. I'm willing to tell most people everything about me, but this is something I just cannot say.

#2: Oh craps I forgot what I was gonna say...oh yeah. This was supposed to go up there but I forgot just now. I think just now during debrief Krystle said her vision of becoming a KL subzone again..and she said that we, as members, must stop thinking about becoming connect group leaders. We need to dream about becoming CELL GROUP LEADERS. I think I was reminded of something my sister asked Clifford the other day. She asked him "How many people do you see yourself leading?" He said something like 5-10. But she then said that we could not limit ourselves to a number. There's a sixteen-year-old [if I'm not wrong] boy who's a ZONE SUPERVISOR in Heart of God church..wow. That's just amazing can, simply amazing.

I want to be a cell group leader/connect group leader. I guess it's the first time I've ever voiced it, or blogged about it, or made it public in any way. And I feel a bit wary blogging about this, but I feel I must, finally, blog about this. I really don't feel comfortable blogging this, but yes, I shall. I've wanted to for quite some time, since I first joined the cell group. And the thing is - I've just always wanted to be a cell group leader. Not just a connect group leader, which most people aspire to be already, but a cell group leader. I don't know why..but yes. That's how it came about.

AHH OKAY I SHALL STOP NOW CAN'T SAY ANY MORE. It's 2AM and I'm going to go pray kthxbai.